POSTED ON Sunday, November 25, 2012 AT 9:07 AM

i'm lost for words right now. I never felt this sad before,things are getting more fucked up. This calls for a bail-out. I don't give a fuck if he thinks im insensitive anymore, i need to stand my ground, i have my rights as a lady to demand for respect. Furthermore you're the one who's being insensitive all these while. It's ridiculous when you keep fucking me like it's my fault ,when it's you who upsets me,so shut your gap.save all your "words of advice" for yourself and start showing me that you're really sorry.

Don't just say sorry, what are words, right?

I've been patient enough, I've been kind enough to let you have my heart despite the chance/risk of it getting broken again, i still let you in, let you take all of this like a learn-as-you-go kind of thing. Sometimes, it really tires me but i keep on telling myself , you'll learn one day and all will be better. And when i almost gave up, i remembered that at one point of time, i wanted this too despite knowing what it would be like.I couldn't blame you for everything but then you keep acting like it's cool just because you know i'd forgive you.But one could only take so much , and apparently i'm at that point where it feels like giving up is the only option.

It hit my heart so bad when you said you would tell the world about my shitass acts, you know why it hurt me that bad? cause after all i did after so much i've spent on trying to keep you smiling ,trying to make you feel complete, and not forgetting all the PAIN AND SUFFERING i went through, you still have the cheek to say that? Man, what are you? I swear it hurt real bad, for a minute i felt like i wasn't good enough, or never good at all for you. Thank you for making me feel that way, you must feel good about yourself now huh.



POSTED ON AT 8:03 AM
deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont deserve this i dont



POSTED ON AT 1:20 AM


the clock is ticking and the day is nearing. Can he not go ?



POSTED ON Friday, November 23, 2012 AT 12:28 PM
RENNTHAI @ CLARK QUAY
CHILLI'S @ JCUBE


We are definitely the-food-people. The type who'd spend more on food than on other things. 
Well , actual reason is.. i love stuffing him with  food, plus he's leaving for National service soon so why not spoil him while i still can. 




POSTED ON Saturday, November 17, 2012 AT 6:29 AM
you're good at fucking up my feelings , you insensitive little cunt. I'm through with you , i know I've said this time and again but then i still stood here like a motherfuck . But i guess it's time to walk the talk. Enough is enough. Can't lie, i tried.


You're always blind, you never saw the unloved and dying part of me, you never heard the voice inside of me, i'm done trying. Maybe i'm being silly , trying so hard to make you "the-one" , when you're clearly just a passing phase in my life. You're just another somebody, maybe we're never meant to be. Let's just accept the fact and stop trying cause whatever we're doing, isn't working.


It's gonna tough but i'll try, cause this sure is unhealthy. You just know when you had enough, and apparently i'm already at that point. I just know.



POSTED ON AT 12:39 AM
i hate waiting , and i think i hate you now.



POSTED ON Friday, November 16, 2012 AT 4:17 AM

New pink facebook . meow♥



POSTED ON Thursday, November 15, 2012 AT 2:57 PM
We've come this far , and it's crazy how only now that you made me feel like I've somehow made the wrong decision for letting myself fall for you on day one. It felt so right before and then the next minute, you find yourself in tears feeling so hurt ,cursing the shit out of him hoping none of what that has happened , happened. And you wished you've never made that wish .How can heaven be hell at the same time. I remember being on cloud nine a while ago and now i'm on this fucking ground back at earth. Obviously it was a bad landing.

I hate to cry alone. I hate having to spend my sleepless nights without you. I'll be staring at blank spaces thinking about shits, stuffs that shakes me, stuffs that breaks me. I hate how you could be the sweetest thing and the most insensitive being at the same time. I feel that whatever i did trying to prove my sincerity, my love and my appreciation for you.. all that is not enough cause whenever i need you to enlighten me when i'm at my lowest shittiest point , you don't seem to give me all of that. When i'm mad , when i throw all that vulgarities, all those nasty words at you, please just bear with me. I promise you all that won't last more then ten minutes.. I know it's unpleasant, i know it's hurtful. When i'm done... hug me . Cause all that madness , they're simply feelings i don't know how to put in words. They're what I've been signaling and trying to tell you but you never noticed. I'm not all that ; that everything you see. I'm more like a tangled mess,you know.. i'm like trying to untangle myself free but it's like there's knots after knots . It's frustrating and I'm so tired , i need help i can never do it alone. Please don't make it harder for me. 

I know you must be sleeping by now. I'm still up,wide awake. I wished you had called me back a while ago when i hung up. I was on the verge of breaking down and like always, you never noticed. I was really upset cause whenever i got sad or feel insecure about anything, you'd "claw-out" at me like it was my fault to love you that much . Forgive me, for always over-thinking and assuming shit. Come on , we all do that. That's only normal right? ):  

When i love, i love hard. Sorry if i was too hard on you..






POSTED ON Tuesday, November 13, 2012 AT 11:17 AM
I lose so much during that period of time , and not one week have passed , i've regain all the fats back . Damnit, am i like destined to be fat all my life or what? Really need to start jogging and all that stair-climbing routines again. Either that , or fat til death . Ughhh . So hard to be me ):



POSTED ON AT 11:00 AM
Can you not sleep so early, get up and talk to me please Ridzuan Adam.



POSTED ON AT 1:34 AM
I don't appreciate guys who behaves like a confuse son of a bitch. Only girls are allowed to be fickle. So, make up your fucking mind before i chop off your dick and shove it down your throat.



POSTED ON AT 1:27 AM
extremely bored i can fucking die. Hate how much my life lacks fun people. Today should be fun but i'm still behaving like a stinky pig rolling, tossing and turning in bed. I'm feeling super-dead today, not forgetting , cranky too. Everything was fine until we talked about the ugly bitch , i never really called anyone ugly before and you're not that ugly either, but i like calling you that ; the word suits your personality so well like on the spot i know it's right for you, i don't even wanna find any other word to top that(: The word and you goes really well ,like peanut butter and jelly. Or should i say, like shits and toilet bowl. Thick skinned bitches like you ticks me off real bad i'd love to slap your face with a freaking baton a million times, or with a cactus maybe.You disgust me more than the filthiest things in the world. 

Omygod see, i got carried away . This shows how much i wanna fuck you up , i wish i could make you disappear cause knowing you exists , fucks me up bad inside.



POSTED ON Monday, November 12, 2012 AT 1:27 PM

I'm still coping with all of THE "aftermath" . So far, so good. Apart from the nightmares and the weird dreams , everything else is okay. Or is it still too early to say...



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